So, what exactly is 'Sex Positive Feminism'?

My sweet ladyfriend recently introduced me to the fabulous Tinynibbles website run by Violet Blue who is described as

...the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media (MacLife, Forbes.com)

I haven't had a chance to properly trawl yet but there is a great open question she has recently posed to her readers, "What Does "Sex Positive" Mean to You?"

The question was provoked by the fact that her 'sex positive url shortener', vb.ly was recently seized by the Libyan Government because the words 'sex positive' and an image of her showing her arms and drinking a beer were deemed to be illegal.

If you are interested in this story you should check out her posts on the issue found here, and here.

I started out writing a reply to her post, but a few paragraphs later I thought I may as well blog about it. Like, it's no secret that I could talk about this shit all day with a whiskey in one hand, a spliff in the other, sitting in my shiny skin-tight leggings. Correction, my lesbian lover's leggings. Soz Libya.

OK, so, I am a Sex Positive Feminist. I add 'feminist' to the title because I believe many of the causes addressed in sex positivity cover the rights of women and rights to sexual autonomy. Within this identity I believe in thorough sex education for people of all ages, cultures, backgrounds, sexualities, and genders. Many see sex and sexuality as a source of shame, and knowledge is fundamental in breaking that cycle. Libya has put it's hand up to represent on this occasion. I won't comment too much on Libya specifically, as I feel I don't know enough about the country to think I have any right to criticise. Perhaps once I've read up on it a bit more I'll share some insight. Right now I'll stick with the assumption that their Government and I probably wouldn't be BFFs.

There are people in my generation who still think that masturbation is a sin and that it causes hideous physical dysmorphia or other bizarre things like short term memory loss. Commenter, seektofind2 on ehealthforum is under the impression that masturbation is the cause of his struggles with college work, and he has heard around the block that masturbation and exercise is a really bad combination.

This poor dude has been jacking off for seven to eight years under the covers, in the dark, scorning himself for this supposed damage this 'addiction' is causing him...probably a few times a week. I find it really heart breaking thinking about the parent(s) that taught their child to hate himself for finding pleasure from his own body.These sorts of cases should be the drive behind a need for standardised sex education. The world has enough deserved guilt, we shouldn't be sitting idly by as sex gets thrown on the bonfire as well.

A side thought; a few years ago would have looked at this post, had a laugh and made some ridiculing comment about his oppression to my friends because when you're the object of somebody's scorn (such as fundamentalists in regards to sex, sexuality and lifestyle) you can either laugh or you can cry. A few years on I am trying to take a different perspective, and rather than dismissing the anxiety a religion has caused, I am trying to reply to posts like this in hope that something gets through without belitting them because I do not agree with their beliefs. I guess it is just one of the small ways we can contribute to a sex positive society. One post could cause a small domino effect in some secluded sad town robbed of some good remorseless wanking. Thank you, Internet.

As many have commented on the Tinynibbles website, sex is a great source of healing. Religion is so ironic sometimes. Sex and orgasm can do so many amazing things for your general well-being and physical health. It should be regarded as a practice for better health along activities like yoga, massage, meditation, exercise, counselling, tai chi, falun gong, prayer, a bath, a holiday etc. Annie Sprinkle's '101 Uses for Sex' is a good read if you want some inspiration for your next masty.

This amazing photo is from Annie's Sprinkle's website.

A study conducted on 918 men aged between 45-59 between 1979 and 1983 in South Wales by George Davey Smith, Professor of Clinical Epidemiology found,

"Mortality risk was 50% lower in the group with the high orgasmic frequency than in the group with low orgasmic frequency, with evidence of a dose-response relation across the groups."

And an article by Forbes covers some of the research done on sex and orgasm and their findings which include having sex several times a week results in an improved sense of smell, reduced risk of heart disease, overall fitness, reduced depression, release of oxytocin which releases endorphins which in turn alleviate pain, and it makes your prostate happy. These are only a few of the benefits. OR alternatively, if you get shit faced on cheap bourbon in town on a Saturday at the local gay bar and on your stumble home you manage to down six Big Macs in one sitting, 'British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for year'. I don't know why I'm telling you this, it's kind of depressing and I love Big Macs, not that I could ever fathom inhaling six at once.

Sex education is pretty broad but in my ideal world it encompasses;

-The positives of masturbation from an early age.

-Physiology, and biology that includes the functions of sexual pleasure.

-Rewording of women's sexual organs to encompass the clitoris and correct term, vulva.

-Up to date information on sexually transmitted diseases.

-The variety of sexualities and genders.

-Sexual lifestyles and choices.

-Sources of accessible and cheap varieties of contraception.

-Sex worker rights and the current laws.

-Religion and sexual practices.

-Consent.

-Respect for oneself and others.

-Pornography, including the debates for and against it.

Sex Positivity encourages pornography that reflects positive and realistic sexual encounters with consenting adults. More on this on my last post. And it argues that everyone has the right to be sexual and safe at that. I also find many of my commerades in the Sex Positive movement float around in circles that address the hideous issue of slut shaming and/or support and write fantastic blogs on the Fat Acceptance movement.

Created by Susan Surface

For more info on Fat Acceptance, head over to Iamoffendedbecause and check out some posts like this one, that also has links to other great bloggers such as Definatalie.

Sex Positivity negates slut shaming, body shaming, and other social practices that demean the sexual rights of another. People aren't born with prejudices, sneering at a high sexual appetite or the shape of someone's body is a product of self inflicted shame, when really...

And my body wants a Big Mac and a pash.

Pornography Has the Power to Portray New Lifestyle Choices & Gender Roles

I often visit Dodson and Ross, my home away from home that is run by the darling Carlin Ross and Betty Dodson. I could write a whole essay on the wonders of Betty Dodson but I’ll save that for another time.In short, Dodson and Ross are both pro-sex feminists who were fortunate enough to find each other and start up this fantastic business of sex re-education.

This week I came across a video published on their site by TED, a not-for-profit organisation based on ‘ideas worth spreading’. Overall, I adore TED. It is a site with a wealth of information and if you ever find yourself mulling over Facebook for the fifth time waiting for your mate to get back to you about a coffee date or your Frontierville pumpkins to ripen for the harvest you should probably head over there.

Anyway, back to the point of this post. On the Dodson and Ross site I came across a TED lecture where Cindy Gallop discusses the problems of hardcore pornography. All I can really find on her history is that she is a killer in the marketing business and could ‘sell ice to an Eskimo’ (btw this term is really offensive but I’ll let it go for the time being). She pursued this before she moved onto her first website which is the point of this entry.

Gallop seems like a pretty sweet woman, she honours her age, her rights to sex, hardcore sex and freely admits she is a watcher of hardcore pornography. She doubts the merits of abstinence campaigns and acknowledges that schools are crippling themselves in efforts to be 'politically correct', (whatever the fuck that means these days). The term has wandered into the land of obscure and unidentifiable definitions like ‘liberalism’, 'epidemic', 'free health care', 'stir fry'... and ‘hardcore pornography’. But anyway so far so good.

Gallop suggests hardcore pornography has become sex-education, and that porn in general tends to present ‘one world view’ of the way sex is. She identifies the newer generation as being particularly impacted by hardcore pornography, saying:

“...When I have sex with younger men...I encounter very directly and personally, the real ramifications of the creeping obliquity of pornography in our culture”

So far I totally agree. So what’s the site? Make Love Not Porn. OK so yes, this whole post is generally fuelled by the title. Gallop has some great points in her lecture but I do not believe the answer to solving the problem is to write pornography off altogether and unfortunately, a website title like this does just that. Gallop suggests hardcore pornography portrays sex in a particular light that causes a domino effect of expectations in reality. For me this means some women engage in sex acts that may demean and objectify them for the pleasure of another. As a result they feel degraded and unsexy and this is far from the point of sex! But as she suggests, mainstream hardcore pornography creates a strong impression of how sex 'is', how it rolls, and who has the power. I absolutely do not refute this.

Gallop says

‘this site is absolutely not about judgement, good and bad, sex is an area of human experiences...this is also not anti-porn'

Porn, or no porn, or different porn? Not that it is ever that simple. Cindy if you're reading this, I'm genuinely interested in whether you have an opinion on feminist porn or how the industry can contribute to making it a more effective commodity, in terms of honest representation and re-education (that is if you believe it can). As a hardcore porn watcher yourself, do you identify ways in which BDSM porn can positively represent power dynamics, freedom, and self respect or is it not possible?

Like the media, entertainment, and generalised societal norms; pornography has the power to portray lifestyles, choice, and gender roles. Whether you are pro-porn or anti-porn, surely readers, we can all accept this right? If you already are of the standpoint that porn can be eradicated from social existence...well good luck with that. A recent article by The Daily Telegraph, referred to me by my sweet friend Jean reported that scientists (another obscurity) found ‘all men watch porn’.

I am pretty sceptical about studies that so blankly declare a statement about a population and this one is of no exception. When reading further we discover Professor Lajunesse only interviewed 20 heterosexual males. Nonetheless I have to agree that at least in personal experience I know very few, if any that have not consumed pornography once in their lifetime.

Websites such as YouPorn and RedTube have massively impacted the glossed images of porn. This sort of social media has presented real, consenting, sexy, natural people and it has potential to negate what high budget, male-run industries publish without a thought. It is also one of the easiest and cheapest ways to find porn which means it is no longer subject to being in a plastic wrap mag in the back of your local newsagents or on some obscenely priced Sky TV channel; there is a market across all class systems.

Gallop says that she has no problems with “realising that a certain amount of re-education, rehabilitation, and reorientation has to take place”. However there are some amazing women and queer people who are dedicating their careers to changes the porn industry already. Not only are these people creating fucking sexy porn, yes PORN, not erotica that women actually want to watch and get off on, it is all the more powerful to use the same media form to break down the sea of negative by-products. Right?

Ones that immediately come to mind are Pink and White

"The core values are to stay true to my ideals of sex-positivity, so both on screen and off screen we are extremely respectful of the models. We really work with them to make them feel comfortable, we don’t ask anybody to do anything they wouldn’t otherwise do in their normal sex life. We have a mission to show different types of bodies: queer bodies, natural bodies. And also to do something in higher production value, you know, really paying attention to craftsmanship" Feministe interview.

Courtney Trouble

"seven minutes in heaven is REALITY, i don’t cast ANY scenes in advance, everybody is cast individually, they decide who they fuck, what they do, and in that sense safer sex barriers of every kind are super important" Interview by Epiphora.

who also runs NoFauxxx

or Madison Young

"When a woman is taking control of her sexuality and owning it and exploring it and not ashamed of her body. When a woman is embracing her orgasms and pushing her sexual self to new dimensions. That is a feminist act. For me being tied and participating in sensation play and heavy sm is something that I love. It’s how I get off. I’m not being tortured. I’m experiencing sensation." Interview with Bind Me.

and other great porn stars like Jiz Lee. (From Jiz’s official site):

"This year, Jiz launched a philanthropic porn projected called “Karma Pervs” which raises money for rotating non-profit organizations such as STOP AIDS Project, the Centre for Sex & Culture, and the St. James Infirmary (a health clinic run by and for sex workers)...Jiz is a lot of things rolled into one: queer gender queer gender-variant trans fag androgynous erotic model porn star dykestar sex worker artist activist instigator sweetheart lover polyamorousnon-[monogamous] hippie punk leftist past-vegan sex positive nympho slut dyke darling juicy geek."

and April Flores who also does a considerable amount for the representation of body diversity in pornography.

"...Honestly, I felt more degraded as a receptionist than in porn. When I worked as a receptionist, no one would talk to me, no one would say hi. I was working in a job that I hated and I hated everyone there. Being able to choose my career and choose my next steps has been very empowering to me. Telling a woman that she can’t make her own decisions about her own body — now that’s degrading. Don’t tell me what I cannot do."- From an Interview between Flores and Eyeweekly.

and then there's trans-porn stars like Buck Angel

"...I had no idea that schools would want me to come in and speak and different types of events would want me to come in and talk about my work and show it. I feel really sort of blessed. I’m not religious in any way, but I just cannot believe that I started in porn and now it has changed into something so much more. I feel very excited that I’m doing things to educate the world on issues that are so important and haven’t really been talked about before.” From Trent's Art Blog.

and Billy Castro who should be as equally commended for their accomplishments in revealing the beautiful, sexy and unique intricacies of queer and trans sex and sexuality. And let’s face it a bit problem in pornography today is the total lack of or misrepresented imagery of GBLTQI people.

Good for Her is your one stop shop for all your feminist porn buying needs. Many of their titles are winners in the Feminist Porn Awards and they sell many of the above mentioned. Straight from their site:

"We believe the world is inundated with cheesy, cliché, degrading, and patronizing porn. But we also believe that erotic fantasy is powerful, and that women and marginalized communities deserve to put their dreams and desires on film, too. As feminists and sex-positive people, we want to showcase and honour those who are creating erotic media with a feminist sensibility."

So Gallop has made a good start and her website is pretty awesome and has a lot of important messages that more men should read. But I think the title could be re-considered, and her stance on pornography be made more explicit? And seriously, this information may seem basic for some, but for others it is a cold hard shock to the system. Sad ain't it? E.g.

There were certain comments on the blog following the video by Gallop on the TED site that verified my concern such as...

O Mir: “...PORN IS OFFENSIVE…IT DOES NOT PORTRAY PEOPLE MAKING LOVE. IT’S ALL ABOUT BANGING USELESSLY. MOST MEN DO NOT EVEN HAVE A CLUE WHAT TURNS A WOMAN ON. TRY BEING SENSUAL AND HAVING TANTRIC SEX. IT’S WAAAAAY BETTER THAN THAT VIOLENT PORNOGRAPHIC CRAP THAT EVERYONE HYPES UP!”

First off, there is nothing more obnoxious than the use of CAPS LOCK to really hammer your aggression but what truly irked me about this commenter was that she/he/ze could so blanketly declare that porn is offensive. Well to who? And what type of porn? And what causes its offense? I cannot accept that pornography as a whole does all of these things in every single instance. Secondly, porn can portray people making love in fact some porn is just that! Thirdly, this person has apparently has had sex with the entire male species to declare that most men do not have a clue what turns a woman on. Not only is this incorrect, but it is offensive to men who love nothing more than looking after their lovers in bed. Or perhaps it is just particularly unfortunate O Mir has had some awful lovers? Perhaps the making of sex-positive pornography that depicts men pleasuring women could be a way to debunk the awful myths and laziness that mainstream, hetty, male industry run porn encourages? Just a thought, O Mir. Oh and btw, sometimes violent sex (within controlled parameters) can be really hot when those involved are on the same page.

In summation; porn is heaps complicated. Totes.

Original post date: Jan 26th 2010



I went to go see The Books last week. They were/are doing an international tour and were kind enough to bless their dedicated New Zealand fan base with a fantastic show. Camera Obscura also featured. I totally appreciate this band and what a great response their music has received. But to be honest i haven’t listened to enough of them to make proper judgement and my heart was with The Books. I promise to Obscura fans i will check them out properly soon.My dear and lovely friend Mike passed on his ticket due to feeling a bit crook. Oh what a blessed moment that was.

Their performance could have easily past as an art installation piece. It wasn’t just music, it was a delicate combination of chopped up video and audio clips match along skill of Paul de Jong on the cello and Nick Zammuto on the guitar and live vocals. Jong brought out a classical element I never before would have imagined to work with such experimental material and Nick’s soft voice and melodic guitar combined their show into a memorable experience. Man, Jong’s face just glowed with appreciation for the sounds being created around him. I had the pleasure of experiencing an awkward moment of buying a t-shirt from Nick acting like your typical stage-frightened in-awe-fan. Sorry Nick. I thought you were great. That’s actually what i wanted to say.
This is their website, I can probs promise you there won’t be any regret if you visit. If you are curious just head down to your local library and have a listen. You can get their CDs on their website as well as a DVD of their videos (highly recommended if you want to really appreciate their stuff).

Let's play catch ups
Most of you probably know me, at least at first.

My brain jumps from place to place on a moment by moment basis. I get obsessed with good things quickly and it shapes me everyday.

So, it will go something like this…

I love cooking. I’ll probably talk a lot about food. Sometimes I was to be a chef and spend hours on the internet planning my life trotting around the globe to state of the art cooking schools. I love truffles, the mushrooms kind in a really extreme way.



yum.

I grew up with Theatre. My mum did her degree when i was about 8-12 when we lived back in Liverpool and her frequent and thought provoking women-dominated groups flooded my lounge once a week. It was great. Now i work with some of my best friends Soph and Kent on various theatre projects which brings me to…

I love sex. Obsessed, Fo’ serious. I did a thesis on whether porn can be used as a feminist text last year. And you know what? It can. The arguments surrounding not just this subject, but sexuality and gender too fascinates me and shaping a lot of the theatre Soph, Kent and I work on in our little company Angry Peach Productions. I respect there are a lot of opinions around the topic and a lot of my work through study and my own projects feature the questions that often circle.




The above photo is from our tech rehearsal for The Piradicals, George’s dildo arrives, a life changing moment. Lucky Lucille shows up soon to lend a hand.

I work in a music store on a casual basis, like any retail the hours are long and the pay is slight but all is made up for when dealing with a product that puts a smile on someone’s face when you find them the perfect thing. The new-release courier drop is like a big box of Christmas on Saturday morning. It’s the little things that count.

Current favourite: She Keeps Bees - Nests (2008)




I discovered this gem a few weeks back hidden behind all the Susan Boyle and Stan Walker’s. If you are big fans of Cat Power or pretty much any earnest female vocalists that shine against simplistic rhythms this one is for you. You can check out some of their tracks on their website



.

Transferring to blogspot.

Original post date: Jan 25th 2010
Setting: Home; ex-brothel, ex-drug den, ex-commune, current mashed up family of friends. Photo taken by Michael Harvey with a Polaroid 2009.

Featuring: Dan, Hannah and myself.

Experiencing: A moment in the kitchen